１、２、３、４、５、６、７、８、９
MICHAEL
Great! Tears! The big equalizer.
You wait till two days before the
wedding to drop this on me, and
I'm just supposed to roll over and
drool!
She is sobbing now. She can't help herself. Which makes him
totally crazy. He jumps up.
MICHAEL
Fine. I'm an insensitive, chauvinist
asshole, and you're well rid of m...
KIMMY
MICHAEL!!
A wrenching cry from her heart. It stops him cold. And before
Julianne's astonished eyes, Kimmy reaches out a trembling hand...
KIMMY
Michael, you are so...
Choking back the sobs.
KIMMY
... so right. And I am so very
wrong.
Michael blinks. Julianne blinks. For different reasons.
KIMMY
We can't go down two roads. And
still be together.
Her fingers stretch, beckoning.
JULIANNE
Uh, Kimmy...?
KIMMY
(ignores her)
We settled this. And I reneged.
That wasn't fair.
Please, please, take my hand.
KIMMY
You have to forgive me, and forget
this ever happened...
People are watching, staring. These two see only each other.
KIMMY
... or I'll die.
A frozen, forever moment. He steps to her...
... LIFTS her up in his arms. Into the deepest, most heartfelt
KISS. And as she clings to him, people begins to APPLAUD, and
whistle, and laugh.
Julianne. In her pretty dress. Closes her eyes.
INT.JULIANNE'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Julianne in her nightshirt, her back to us, sobbing into her
cellular as she paces the room...
JULIANNE
... see that's what I never
counted on! I never heard of
a brilliant moron before!
We CLOSE as she WHIPS around, startling us with her grotesque day-
glo PURPLE face mask. The green was better.
JULIANNE
I mean, the little twerp
GROVELED!!
Losing it. We know the drill.
JULIANNE
SHE IS SO WRONG FOR HIM!
Clutching the phone.
JULIANNE
Michael and I are the same person!
Self-absorbed and imperfect and
vaguely loveable! We deserve
each other!
Tears are flowing. Which, over this mask, is not a pretty sight.
JULIANNE
I'm out of hope, I'm out of sneaky
ideas, I'm at the end of my
rapidly-fraying hysterical little
rope! Help m...
She TRIPS over an open suitcase, and DISAPPEARS from frame. The
THUD is slightly alarming.
JULIANNE (O.S.)
God, I hate this hotel.
HOLD. On nothing is particular.
JULIANNE (O.S.)
And I hate talking to your machine!
INT. JULIANNE'S ROOM - EARLY MORNING
REAR VIEW of Julianne asleep on the floor, sunlight streaming in.
A soft knocking on a door, somewhere nearby. She barely stirs.
The knock becomes a strong RAPPING, and she fights for conscious-
ness. Her back still to us, she...
... rises, STUMBLES to the door, which is now pulsing with an
insistent POUNDING, and THROWS it OPEN, as we SNAP to...
REVERSE ANGLE... CLOSE on Julianne's face, still encased in a now-
decomposing PURPLE MASK, her eyes SPRINGING wide, she SCREAMS in
shock, and we SNAP BACK to...
ORIGINAL ANGLE... Digger, watching impassively at the high-strung
SHRIEK. In the silence that follows...
DIGGER
You stole my line.
He touches his face, and she realizes!
JULIANNE
Oh, shit!
Starts CLAWING at the overripe mask, but he grabs her wrists.
DIGGER
Chill. We don't want your face
coming off with it.
JULIANNE
Chill? Since when do you say ch...
DIGGER
When I'm talking to children.
She looks in his eyes. Realizing at last.
JULIANNE
You flew all the way h...
DIGGER
I noticed. I'm on the noon back.
We have this thing with George's
family in the Hamptons.
JULIANNE
(soft)
You're butting in.
He still holds her wrists. She brings one of his hands to her
lips. Kisses his knuckles.
JULIANNE
(softer)
I really resent this.
INT. BATHROOM - MORNING
Julianne seated at the sink, staring into the mirror, as Digger
gently applies soup, cloth and water to easing away the mask. A
paleontologist restoring a Bronze Age artifact. By the side of the
half-filled sink, rests her plugged-in curling iron.
JULIANNE
What I mean, when I say annoyingly
perfect, is that there is nothing
annoying about her perfection.
It is vulnerable and endearing.
And that is annoying as shit.
DIGGER
You like her.
JULIANNE
If I didn't have to hate her, I'd
adore her.
She looks up at him and WINCES, as the movement makes him scrape
her face. He's sorry.
JULIANNE
Last night, she was crying, these
big, real tears, when she thought
she'd lost him. It was like there
was a knife in her heart...
Looking in his eyes. Needs him to hear.
JULIANNE
... and I put it there. I hated
myself, I grieved for her, I
couldn't enjoy one second of it!
And then, when it didn't work...
Can you believe this?
JULIANNE
I was devastated.
DIGGER
(softly)
Go figure you.
JULIANNE
Because I realized. When I see
him say "I do," that knife will
be in my heart. And it will be
there every...
She holds his wrists now. To stop him. To plead for
understanding. Forgiveness.
JULIANNE
... every time I think of him,
forever, which could be a lot.
She almost choked on that last part. So she composes herself.
JULIANNE
You watch a guy caress his
girlfriend's butt. You see an
Old Spice commercial. Sentimental
moments are everywhere, when
you're in the right frame of mind.
She swallows hard. Fights for a grip on her determination.
JULIANNE
There are 18,250 nights in the
next 50 years...
DIGGER
You've been working on this, huh?
JULIANNE
... and having "done the right
thing" will only really be
comforting, oh, maybe, five,
six times.
She sets her jaw.
JULIANNE
This is my whole life's happiness.
I have to be ruthless.
DIGGER
(quietly)
And you believe that.
JULIANNE
(unconvincing)
Sure.
His eyes are gentle and merciless at once. No way she gets off
this hook.
JULIANNE
He was in love with me every day
for nine years. I can make him
happier than she can.
DIGGER
It's not his happiness you're
feeling guilty about...
JULIANNE
(proudly)
I don't know the meaning of the
word guilt!
DIGGER
Impressive.
JULIANNE
I am breaking her heart in the short
run, but doing her a gigantic favor!
She would be miserable tagging
along after this insensitive doofus!
DIGGER
The man you love.
JULIANNE
Beyond reason. The feminist
warrior will rise up in this kid,
and she'll be standing over his
sleeping form with a butcher
knife, selecting from a short
list of body parts!
DIGGER
Someday she'll thank you.
JULIANNE
Let's not get carried away.
And the defenses drain from her clay-ravaged features. The real
Julianne is glimpsed.
JULIANNE
I'd settle for. Someday, I'll
forgive myself.
For...?
JULIANNE
For doing this terrible thing.
Her eyes tear up.
JULIANNE
Which, by the way, I can't
figure out how to do.
As the tears fall, he wipes at them, discovering...
DIGGER
Jesus. You're supposed to take
your make-up off before you
apply the m...
JULIANNE
I KNOW THAT! I WAS DISTRACTED BY
GRIEF!
Oh.
JULIANNE
Guess what I brushed my teeth
with last night?
He thinks about this. Following her eyes to the toiletries kit, he
browses for a moment...
DIGGER
Zit cream?
JULIANNE
I wish.
DIGGER
Neosporin?
JULIANNE
Try less appropriate.
DIGGER
Ben Gay.
JULIANNE
That was Thursday.
He stops on that note.
DIGGER
Elmer's Glue?
JULIANNE
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, WE'RE HAVING
A SERIOUS CONVERSATION!
She's hysterical.
DIGGER
I give.
JULIANNE
I can't even say it.
Now. He's curious.
JULIANNE
A hint. The first word is
"Preparation." Then comes a
letter of the alphabet,
perilously close to G.
She reaches to test her curling iron, BURNS her finger, SHIT!
KNOCKING the appliance into the half-filled sink. She LUNGES for
it, and a terrified Digger GRASPS her arm...
DIGGER
Considering the circumstances,
I'm not wholly against suicide...
Huh?
DIGGER
Just not by electrocution in
front of me!
Oh.
DIGGER
I've got this noon flight.
He reaches to pull the plug from the wall, and now she LUNGES to
grab his arm, slipping, her face falling forward, stopping an inch
above the sink.
JULIANNE
How do you know you can touch
that plug? Are you a licensed
contractor?
DIGGER
What do you suggest?
She looks from the plug down the cord, to the submerged curling
iron. And back.
JULIANNE
Maybe they just seal off this
room. They have others.
He's staring at her. Sweet, but intense.
DIGGER
I didn't mean about that.
Oh. Again.
JULIANNE
If I hear the words "tell the
truth," or any paraphrase thereof,
I dive into the sink and pull you
with me.
Looking at her. Looking at her.
DIGGER
Let's go meet Michael. I'll
wait downstairs.
INT. ARMANI - MORNING
Julianne has cleaned up pretty good. She sits with Digger on a
fashion-fabric sofa. They are side-by-side, studying something
with equal concentration. And slight concern.
DIGGER
I suppose it's too late to
start over.
JULIANNE
It's too late to start over.
PULL BACK to reveal Michael in his wedding tux, submitting to a
final fitting from a stylish fitter.
MICHAEL
You guys are heartless, my
bride picked this out.
JULIANNE
Like I said, dazzling.
DIGGER
Is she going to dress you
every day?
Michael smiles over. Digger smiles back. They live each other.
MICHAEL
Yeah, it's in the contract.
DIGGER
(softly)
Well, then, I'll take it up
with her.
Michael motions, okay, c'mon over. Digger rises, goes to Michael,
the fitter steps back as Digger shows him...
DIGGER
The cut here, here... this
line...
Fingers lightly traveling over the lapel, the side-stitching, the
cloth straight down the spine...
DIGGER
... trouser width, this is all
classic. Which means safe,
something I'd wear.
MICHAEL
I should look different.
DIGGER
You should look like you
dressed yourself.
Yes? Michael's grin is back. Playful and friendly.
MICHAEL
And I'm supposed to respect
your fashion tips, because
you're what, a New Yorker?
DIGGER
(quiet smile)
Something like that.
Julianne loves that the boy are getting on.
MICHAEL
(means this)
Long trip. Pretty nice of you
to come.
DIGGER
Well, I'm close to her. I wanted
to meet the one that got away.
Said so naturally. That embarrasses Michael, who looks down, his
smile suddenly awkward.
DIGGER
What?
MICHAEL
I'm just glad someone finally put
this thing in its proper perspective.
Steals a glance at Julianne. She rolls her eyes. What a goofball,
my outrageous friend.
MICHAEL
(to Digger)
Stay, huh?
DIGGER
I honestly wish I could...
MICHAEL
I'll call George's parents.
Tell them I need a best man who
actually looks after me.
Julianne comes over.
JULIANNE
(softly)
They'd say that's my job.
She runs her hands over his jacket, smoothing it everywhere. With
tenderness that approaches transparency. Glances back at Digger...
JULIANNE
I'll take it home from here.
Pinches Michael's ear. Looks in his eyes.
DIGGER
Two words.
JULIANNE
Major. Dish.
DIGGER
Manicure...
She looks down. Michael's nails are unclipped, with layers of
impacted dirt. She touches his fingertips, a little more softly
than she may have intended.
DIGGER
Fly.
Everyone looks down. She ZIPS Michael up.
MICHAEL
(to Digger)
You don't miss much.
DIGGER
Part of being a New Yorker.
INT. HAIR SALON - MORNING
Cutting edge salon. Loud, PULSING MUSIC. Digger and Michael in
adjacent chairs, heads back, each smoking impressive cigars as
their hair is styled. Digger's stylist is a hot trashy female.
Michael's is a tall, flamboyant male in a day-glo vest.
Each man has one hand soaking, the other being worked on by a
manicurist, so Julianne goes from one to the other, removing their
cigars so they can exhale. A seraglio feel to the way she does
this.
Now she's arguing with Michael's stork-like stylist. We can't hear
over the music, but she keeps tugging on Michael's hair, pretty
passionate about her point of view. Suddenly, she GRABS the
scissors to do it herself, and Michael...
... BOLTS out of the chair. WHOA!
EXT. O'HARA AIRPORT - DAY
Skycaps, guests of impatient travelers, a bus offloading forty
Japanese tourists. A taxi cuts off a van to reach the curb. Out
jumps...
Michael. Opening the door for Digger and Julianne. Digger says
something, Michael gives him a strong HUG. Julianne raises one
finger to Michael, back in a second. Leads Digger off by the hand.
CLOSE on them now. Alone in the throng.
JULIANNE
Bye, handsome.
Digger just stares at her. Those maddening judgemental eyes.
JULIANNE
You're going to say it, aren't
you?
DIGGER
Tell him you love him. With
all your heart.
JULIANNE
I'm taking my next book to
Viking.
DIGGER
Tell him you've loved him for
nine years, but you were afraid
to realize it.
JULIANNE
I'm moving this book to Viking.
DIGGER
Tell him you're afraid of love.
Afraid of needing.
JULIANNE
Needing.
DIGGER
To belong to someone.
He touches her hair.
DIGGER
We all do, beautiful. I'm sorry
about that.
Staring in her eyes. Even Julianne has run out of words.
DIGGER
Tell him you know this is the
worst, dumbest, cruelest moment
to do this to him. But there
it is, and he has to choose.
JULIANNE
And what will he do?
Digger isn't smiling. His voice low, beneath the crowd...
DIGGER
He'll choose Kim. You'll stand
by her at her wedding. You'll
kiss him good-bye. And you'll
go home.
He holds up one finger. Almost touching her nose.
DIGGER
This is what you've come to do.
Now do it.
Wow. She looks frightened and moved, all at the same time. She
kisses him on the lips.
And walks away. He watches her go through the crowd. Take
Michael's hand. Lead him back toward the taxi.
EXT. SKYLINE CRUISE BOAT - DAY
The skyline of Chicago moves past us. Slowly. The NBC Tower,
Cityfront Center...
MICHAEL (O.S.)
Big weddings are so strange.
JULIANNE (O.S.)
You keep saying that.
Up ahead, the Wrigley Building draws closer...
MICHAEL (O.S.)
Kim has all this stuff to do,
I hardly see her.
JULIANNE (O.S.)
Well, you've got the rest of
your lives.
REVERSE ANGLE... they lean on the rail of a cruise boat, easing down
the Chicago River. Wind-blown. Close together.
JULIANNE
Getting your bed made. Every
day.
They smile at each other. Seem so comfortable together.
JULIANNE
You miss her, huh?
MICHAEL
No. I've got you.
She nods. That you have. Staring in her eyes...
MICHAEL
Don't you throw up on boat?
JULIANNE
If you like.
And she LURCHES over the railing, emitting a BARRAGE of incredibly
disgusting sounds, her feet FLAILING in mid-air. He laughs, as he
pulls her back down to the deck. Of course, it was all a joke. He
brushes back her hair. Sighs. Stares.
MICHAEL
I've been thinking a lot the
last couple days. About us,
actually.
JULIANNE
(casual)
Have you.
He has.
JULIANNE
Well. There's a lot of memories
to choose from...
MICHAEL
It's more than that.
That tightens her throat pretty good. When she tries to speak, out
comes a dry CROAK that makes him laugh again. Softer, this time.
MICHAEL
I mean, it's embarrassing to
say it this way, but...
He stops. Her eyes WIDEN in a burlesque of anticipation. So he
smiles. She knows how to put him at ease.
MICHAEL
You've sort of been... y'know,
the woman in my life.
JULIANNE
(straight back)
You've been the man in mine.
Passing under the Michigan Avenue Bridge. No one knows quite what
to say.
MICHAEL
And I was thinking this could be
our last time. Alone. Together.
You know?
JULIANNE
Except for the hot affairs we'll
have twice a year.
MICHAEL
Except for that.
She's smiling so easily. Who would guess her stomach is double-
knotted.
MICHAEL
I can hardly wait for your
wedding.
JULIANNE
Me either.
She watches his surprise.
MICHAEL
Boy, I never thought I'd hear you
say that. Can I come?
She holds herself together. Real soft with...
JULIANNE
I couldn't have it without you.
He's glad to hear that. And then...
MICHAEL
It's normal to have... second
thoughts, huh? To be scared.
Is this a change of direction? Or is it the direction she's been
praying for.
JULIANNE
I wouldn't know. I never had
that many first thoughts.
MICHAEL
I mean, you commit to a wedding.
And then it seems like... this...
momentum, you know? You forget
you... chose it.
She nods. Understands.
１、２、３、４、５、６、７、８、９
